32 Weeks: In the Still of the Night

It is hard to believe that it's only about 8 or 9 weeks until baby is born. Time has been, at times, agonizingly slow and frighteningly fast. In the quiet parts of the evening, The Still of the Night, it's all I can think about.

We still haven't had an update from E-Mom. We continue to send messages of support about once a week. We hope she knows that we are here for her if she needs to talk. In the meantime. We are just putting a foot in front of the other every day and preparing. 

It is terribly scary to be preparing for something when you don't know it will happen for sure. I just keep thinking back to our last conversation and taking comfort at how she seemed happy that she had chosen us even if she is sad. 

Two big events are coming up for us. One friend is throwing us a fundraising event to help us with the adoption, and two of my lovely Jester sisters are throwing me a baby shower. I'm so excited! 

At the same time, I feel guilty and scared. What if the adoption falls through? I don't want everyone to have gone to all the trouble and be disappointed. The logical part of me knows that even if this doesn't work out, we will continue in our adoption journey...But I find it hard to look past this baby. He already has a huge place in my heart. I spend a lot of time imagining his little face and thinking about how awesome it will be to watch him grow up with his birth mom and siblings and us.

We just pray. That's all we can do.