Think about it...When you get pregnant, you take a pregnancy test, and a few minutes later...You KNOW. With adoption, you get an idea. A possibility. A "let's plan together." But you don't get certainty.
Why is that?
Well, in the state of Mississippi, for instance, no legal paperwork terminating parental rights to a baby can be signed until 72 hours following birth. The expectant mother and adoptive family can make any number of plans and provisions for the birth up until then, but nothing is really valid until that Consent to Adopt has been signed at three days old.
What does that mean?
The mother has time with the baby to make her peace...make her decision. This is probably the most life altering decision any woman can make, so she needs time.
But what about those 9 months?
9 months of preparation is well and good, but a mother still needs to see that baby first to decide. You can't make a decision like that without giving it a few days.
In most cases the adoptive family will take the baby home with the birthmother's consent before the 72 hour waiting period is up. Yes, it's risky...but it is a risk most of us are willing to take.
And what about the birth father?
Again, it varies state by state, but in Mississippi, an unwed father does not have a right to object to an adoption plan, UNLESS he can prove to the court that he is willing and able to parent that child by fulfilling X,Y, and Z. Usually, this means providing monetary support during the pregnancy and after, visiting the child regularly, and showing a keen interest in the welfare of the child.
And if he cannot be located or is unknown, there are steps that can be taken by the court to waive his rights following a standard search procedure. The court does do a due diligence search for him before these steps are taken and it can involve things like calling last known residences, serving legal papers to his last known residence, etc.
What is the most important part of an adoption?
The most important part of any adoption is ensuring that baby has a secure, stable home with loving parents and living necessities. The next most important thing is the privacy of the birthmom and that she is comfortable with the arrangements.
What will you do if it falls through?
We will be very sad and very disappointed. We would very much love to have this baby in our lives as well as his birth family, but if she decides to parent, we will support her decision. We will probably take a little time to grieve, but we will begin searching again.
Why open domestic adoption? Wouldn't you rather have your baby all to yourself?
The more people loving a baby, the better! By doing a domestic open adoption, we are able to share our son's life with the beautiful person who trusts us to raise him. We hope to have a very special relationship with his tummy mommy.
If anyone else has questions they'd like to ask about our adoption or adoption in general, please feel free to email me at Laura.prestwich(at)gmail.com or message me on Facebook! :)
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